Thursday, February 17, 2005

Internet dating 2


"Stay away from my owner if you're handsome!"

Posted by Hello

I am a: woman
Seeking a: man
Interested In: Friendship, Play, Dating, Serious Relationship
Age: 24
Location: Washington, District of Columbia
Country: United States
Area Code: 202
Occupation: hugging a perky butt
Education: College Degree
Ethnicity: Hmph. 100% cotton, thanks.
Religion: One day I'll go to that washing machine in the sky
Star Sign: What do you think I am, a polyester-brain?
Relationship Status: Single

Last great book I read
Clean Living in a Dirty World

Most humbling moment
When she left me in the drawer and put on that pink la_perla airhead

Favorite on-screen sex scene
Goodness gracious, I can't believe this question! It's shocking, don't you think?

Celebrity I resemble most
I can't imagine that ANY celebrities practice clean living!

Best or worst lie I've ever told
OK, well, I'm not 100% cotton. I've got 5% spandex - but I STILL have plenty of old-fashioned values.

If I could be anywhere at the moment
Soaking up her sweat on a nice brisk jog

Song or album that puts me in the mood
Oh, I like hymns! They're nice! And Bach is so soothing.

The five items I can't live without
I could certainly live without that lacy pink fool, la_perla, gossipping next to me in the underwear drawer all the time.

Fill in the blanks
a nice brisk sweat is sexy;
a good cold shower is sexier

In my bedroom, you'll find
None of your business! I'm hoping not to have you in here at all!

You WON'T. My owner is very picky and she's not in love with anyone right now. As a result she usually wears cotton panties - that's me! But whenever she falls in love, she usually wears silky lacy frivolous underwear - or nothing at all. And I get stuck here in the dark for weeks at a time.

My owner has been going on a lot of dates with people she's not attracted to. As a result, I get worn a lot. So I'm hoping to find more DC political hacks, TV watchers, anxious fake artists with trust funds, and people who have grown up too much to laugh when my owner crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue. That'll make sure I live a fun, active life! If you're creative, kind, and have an original intellect - STAY AWAY! I'm warning you! I hate that boring underwear drawer.


Blogger jiri said...

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I have a online dating blog. It pretty much covers teen dating related stuff.

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3:41 PM  
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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

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Strange day or what? :-)

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