Sunday, October 31, 2004

Costumes

My costume for Halloween was Self-Obsession. I wore a headdress of peacock feathers, pinned a glamour shot of myself onto my shirt, and pinned the following resume to my back:
______________________________________
MY RESUME

GOALS: To get attention and validation from the world!!!

EDUCATION: A lot of great schools that were lucky to have me.

EXPERIENCE:
October 1, 1980: The clouds opened, choirs of angels sung: I was born!

1980 – 1993: I was a very precocious child. I skipped two grades! Do you want to see some of my gold stars? I kept them!

1993 – 1997: Adolescence. For some reason, the world wasn’t paying as much attention to me as it should have. Do you want me to read you some of my poetry from back then? I kept it! I bet I could publish it if I wanted to, it’s really good!

1997 – 2001: College. A lot of my fellow students seemed to think they were just as impressive and special as me! Poor things.

2001 – Present: A series of totally impressive jobs with important people. Do you want one of my business cards? My boss asks for my advice all the time. Also, I have a lot of friends and they also have totally impressive jobs. What’s your job? Can I have a business card? Also, boys ask me out on dates all the time! If there’s another girl in the room and boys are paying attention to her, it’s just because they are too scared to approach ME!

SKILLS:

Namedropping, boasting in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, self-analysis, self-promotion, self-marketing, goal-setting, trend-catching, polishing my mirrors, promoting my blog, rubbing cream obsessively onto any nascent wrinkles, complaining endlessly about boys who don’t treat me as well as I deserve
.
__________________________________________________

I wandered around with a copy of "Thus Spake Zarathustra," writing my secret thoughts into my journal: "Oh, I am so misunderstood! Nobody knows how hard it is to be me!"

Arm in arm with Self-Obsession was the beautiful Kaelan as Denial; we pinned little notes to her: "I am immortal," "I will never age," "I am so not drunk," "Ashlee Simpson has talent," and on her butt: "Hands Off!"

Meanwhile the peerless Mehr was a Shooting Star, dressed up as a cowgirl with a water pistol full of tequila.

On the lazier end of the spectrum (but still pretty funny) Ben, saying that he wanted to be something scary, went as a Person With An Easily Communicable Disease; he drew red dots on himself and coughed a lot. "It's convenient, because I cough a lot anyway."

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