After a Bad One Night Stand

I'm so sorry about last night
I hope you understand
The boiling hot wax
Was never part of the plan
And what you were wearing
When you woke - nobody took any pictures.
I mean, many. Well, feel free
To wear it home. I'm not sure
What happened to your real clothes.

If you wouldn't mind, before you go, to clean
Your puke from my floor - and there's some
On the bookshelf there. And the kitchen, too,
I think. Thanks.

Well, we certainly were intimate
For people who'd met
Just five hours earlier. I saw
Your naked body and
Everything. That scar
From when you were eight
And you fell off your bike
And all the other kids in the class laughed.
And that one
From a punch thrown in anger
By your best friend in college.
You didn't tell me why.
The chip in your tooth
From skydiving. And - how could I forget?
The new tattoo! Who's "Fido"?

In the future you might want to wash your feet
More often. You left dirt in my sheets.
There are a couple of strange smells
Now that it's the morning.
(Did you know that you have a smell?)
I'll give you some money for the metro
I saw you give your wallet to a stripper.
(Did you enjoy it?)
You've got a nice body
But there's some cellulite on your butt.
You're in your twenties - the best
Shape of your life - so it's probably never,
Never going to go away until you die.
How does that make you feel?

Well, there are some cold hot dogs
If you'd like some breakfast. But oh -
Careful! That's not mustard!

I was sorry to hear about the time
Your babysitter touched you in the bad place
But about the other time, with your cocker spaniel -
That, I just didn't need to hear.
I think my friend Lucy
Had a good laugh though.
She was drunk, so hopefully
She won't remember.

Strange to think I've seen your face
In a moment of sheer, unguarded
Sexual bliss
Pore-poppingly close.
It's never going to happen again until we die.

I wonder how your life will go
How many other regrets you'll have
How many other people will know
About the scar from the bike
Or the smell
The cellulite
The babysitter
Or the spaniel
About this night
Or any other
How your face looks when you sleep
Or some of the other things I don't know
And never will, I hope.
Oh yes, the new hair
Looks great. Very
Memorable.