Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Bite your tongue at work

LOCATION: Very serious and efficient places TIME: Never the right one EQUIPMENT: Yourself, your dirty mind

Either my colleagues were all particularly literal, or I've got a very dirty mind, but I had to bite my tongue a lot when I was working as a consultant.

#1: We were having a Lexis-Nexis training on advanced searches, and my friend Sadao raised his hand to ask about the LEN() string function. "Yeah, what I want to know is, where should I stick my LENGTH so that it works the best?" I snorted and tried to turn it into a cough, but the baffled silence around me and my coworkers' innocent stares only fed my giggles more, and I had to run into a bathroom stall to guffaw to myself.

#2: Out for a working dinner with some Jewish coworkers and some rather imposing, but sweet and polite, German businessmen. We were all quite drunk on expense account wine and the burliest German at the table started expounding on the differences between the business climate in the States and Germany. "You Americans are creative, you think out of the box, we cannot match it!" he declaimed, and described the typical image of the inventor in the garage, his voice louder with every word, face growing red. "But we Germans - we Germans - " here he began pounding on the table - "we Germans are good at EXECUTION!!!"


Blogger Sarah Smile said...

I'm going to giggle about that all night.

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try journalism jargon:

'How big is your hole?' (the news hole, i.e. the amount of space on a page minus advertising

"How many inches is that?' (story length)

Eventually you get to the inevitable 'Do you think you can fill my hole with what you've got' etc.

9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

10:57 AM  

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