Argue with a police officer driving across the grass on Dupont Circle

LOCATION: Dupont Circle grass. EQUIPMENT: Inconsiderate cop car, yourself, spirit of revolution. OPTIONAL: Lots of psychological baggage relating to law enforcement. NOTE: This is not really a fun thing to do, but it's very interesting.

I don't like police officers. It's a narrow-minded prejudice that developed out of personal experience.

Partly it's the speeding tickets - the ones I got, along with patronizing lectures; the ones I didn't get, after the officer looked down my shirt.

Partly it's that time I called in to report a woman being beaten up at the corner of 14th and V and nobody showed up for half an hour even though cop cars were driving right past us and then finally when someone came it was already over but they wouldn't give my friend and me a ride home even though we'd just confronted the attacker and a group of his friends were standing around next to a fence, glowering at us.

And partly it's the time I met a homeless man who had been run over by a car (he was walking down the street with massive cuts and bruises all over his body and there were red tire marks on his face and legs) and he told me that he'd been sleeping overnight in the bushes in Rock Creek Park and a police car ran over him and that they stopped, got out, seemed surprised that he was alive, and tried to convince him that he was delusional and that he'd actually been beaten up by someone, and then they drove away and left him there. (I believe him.)

So I have a chip on my shoulder about cops.

I was sitting on a blanket in Dupont Circle one sunny afternoon reading something charming when a cop car drove across the grass in front of me, belching exhaust into my face. I made sympathetic eye contact with a neighboring blanket-reader. Our silent rapport: What uncivilized jerks, and what a shame that we have to put up with it!

But then I realized that I didn't have to put up with it. I was in the right. And I didn't even have any rolling papers in my purse.

I walked over to where the car had stopped on the grass and tapped on the window. "Excuse me" - super sweetly - "I was just wondering why you guys were driving on the grass." The man and woman stared at me as if I was insane and said nothing. Reasonably: "It's just that for people relaxing on the grass, it's very disturbing to have a car driving so close with the noise and the smell. " The male cop said, "We drive on the circle because it's a crime deterrent. It discourages criminals when they see our car here." Me, maple-syrupy: "I guess that makes sense, but I don't think any crimes are going to happen here in the afternoon with everyone sitting around. I mean, I'm sure it's fun for you guys and all, but -" At this, the female cop exploded. "Fun? Fun? Driving all around on this hot day? Have you ever tried wearing one of these uniforms? They're 100% polyester. Does that sound like fun to you?" Me (fake syrup yielding to grudging sympathy): "Actually, that sounds awful. Well, why don't you please make a report that someone has complained. Thanks...Have a great afternoon!"

Some notes on the incident:

--My plan was to be sweet and reasonable, supposedly so that the cops would not dismiss my words, and instead engage with me and be nudged into some spiritual growth, for their own good. But that was bullshit. Unconsciously I wanted to be smarmy because I knew that would be the best way to piss them off. And it did. There's nothing more annoying than negative energy pretending to be positive energy.

--I've never been a revolutionary. My attitude towards authority has historically been disdain; I ignore rules that don't align with my morality. That's very selfish; if your community has rules you disagree with, even if you yourself can get away with ignoring them, you should fight to change them for the sake of others who are not so lucky. Which is why Steve, the founder of www.flexyourrights.org, is a much better person than I am.

--Despite my fleeting flirtation with the role, I never will be a revolutionary, at least not in the stone-throwing way. I wasn't able to sustain indignant ardor for more than a second when confronted with a human face. Those cops might have been jerks, but they were unhappy jerks who were driving around feeling bitter about their lousy jobs and their uncomfortable uniforms and the self-righteous bitches who tried to make them feel guilty about doing their lousy jobs. How can you be angry at an unhappy person?

--But I still don't like police officers.